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6 Responses to “I’m An Instructor At A University. A Student In My Class Is Angry At Something. How To Approach/liven Her Up?”
First of all, kudos to you for worrying so much about your students – especially at the collegiate level. I’d say you have gotten some decent advice thus far but I would add a few words of wisdom: Remind your students that life happens! School sometimes “gets in the way”. The degree you wish to pursue is up to your – pursuit! Get help, my door is open…. But “don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees”. Papers, exams, presentations and reading assignments will pass you by if you don’t stop in and let me know what’s going on. Communicate to someone, please! Part of college life is both life and time management. If you fail to succeed in that you will fail in college and that would be tragic.
I’ve been a university professor for 30 years. One thing I’ve learned is that often when students are angry, they have good reason for it. For all you know, someone close to this girl was murdered, she came home to find her belongings stolen, she caught her boyfriend in bed with another girl, or something of that sort. So don’t tell her to smile, or crack a joke in the thought that it will make her happier, etc. Students are people with real live problems, and it is insulting to assume that her anger is trivial enough to be eliminated easily.
Secondly, know that whatever is going on is probably none of your business. You say that she won’t share the details with you – that means that it probably has nothing to do with you or your class. Unless you are very close to this student normally, why would she share aspects of her life with you when she is upset? You could say something like, “If you want to talk about it, I’m available,” but I wouldn’t do that AFTER you have already asked her to share the details with you and she has refused.
Basically, most of what goes on in your students’ lives is none of your business. If they choose to share aspects of their lives, then you may choose to listen (you don’t have to, though. I have colleagues who are afraid of becoming entangled in things they can’t handle). You can be available so that if they are hurting and want to share with someone, they could share with you, but if you impose yourself on them by asking a lot of questions or trying to get them to open up, you are overstepping the bounds of your role as an instructor.
I don’t mean to sound cold and impersonal. Over the years I’ve had students share all kinds of things with me, but only when THEY chose to do so.
It really isn’t your problem to deal with. At this point the students are adults and if you care that much all you have to say is ” see me after class.” Once you have that chance to speak to them and they don’t feel like sharing you have to just let them know that they need to bring in a different attitude once in class so to not disrupt the learning inviroment.
You’re a professional and therefore should act professionally. If she’s pissed off it’s not your problem. Maintain your boundaries. If she comes to you to vent her problems you should direct her to a more appropriate outlet. You don’t have to be blunt, but you should not be handling things outside of your job description.
Don’t be an idiot.
It’s not your job to be her friend. It’s your job to teach her something.
Let her friends worry about her moods, and you worry about staying professional and staying out of your students’ emotional lives.
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First of all, kudos to you for worrying so much about your students – especially at the collegiate level. I’d say you have gotten some decent advice thus far but I would add a few words of wisdom: Remind your students that life happens! School sometimes “gets in the way”. The degree you wish to pursue is up to your – pursuit! Get help, my door is open…. But “don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees”. Papers, exams, presentations and reading assignments will pass you by if you don’t stop in and let me know what’s going on. Communicate to someone, please! Part of college life is both life and time management. If you fail to succeed in that you will fail in college and that would be tragic.
I’ve been a university professor for 30 years. One thing I’ve learned is that often when students are angry, they have good reason for it. For all you know, someone close to this girl was murdered, she came home to find her belongings stolen, she caught her boyfriend in bed with another girl, or something of that sort. So don’t tell her to smile, or crack a joke in the thought that it will make her happier, etc. Students are people with real live problems, and it is insulting to assume that her anger is trivial enough to be eliminated easily.
Secondly, know that whatever is going on is probably none of your business. You say that she won’t share the details with you – that means that it probably has nothing to do with you or your class. Unless you are very close to this student normally, why would she share aspects of her life with you when she is upset? You could say something like, “If you want to talk about it, I’m available,” but I wouldn’t do that AFTER you have already asked her to share the details with you and she has refused.
Basically, most of what goes on in your students’ lives is none of your business. If they choose to share aspects of their lives, then you may choose to listen (you don’t have to, though. I have colleagues who are afraid of becoming entangled in things they can’t handle). You can be available so that if they are hurting and want to share with someone, they could share with you, but if you impose yourself on them by asking a lot of questions or trying to get them to open up, you are overstepping the bounds of your role as an instructor.
I don’t mean to sound cold and impersonal. Over the years I’ve had students share all kinds of things with me, but only when THEY chose to do so.
It really isn’t your problem to deal with. At this point the students are adults and if you care that much all you have to say is ” see me after class.” Once you have that chance to speak to them and they don’t feel like sharing you have to just let them know that they need to bring in a different attitude once in class so to not disrupt the learning inviroment.
You’re a professional and therefore should act professionally. If she’s pissed off it’s not your problem. Maintain your boundaries. If she comes to you to vent her problems you should direct her to a more appropriate outlet. You don’t have to be blunt, but you should not be handling things outside of your job description.
Don’t be an idiot.
It’s not your job to be her friend. It’s your job to teach her something.
Let her friends worry about her moods, and you worry about staying professional and staying out of your students’ emotional lives.
try to talk to her when she feel better if she pissed off because she miss the lecture is her fault not yours